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For a Nazi-Perfect Lawn, Try Scissors

“I don’t know if he was simply bored since his retirement, or if he had always worshipped at the altar of turf perfection, but the man obsessed over a perfect lawn. I, on the other hand, wasn’t so good at the mowing-in-a-timely-fashion thing.”

Years before he believed the lawnmowers were conspiring to kill him and take over the world, Lawnmower Fighter Wayne Franklin faced two more troublesome enemies: the weather and Mr. Scissors.

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Lawnmower Fighter: Oh, Sweet Lord, It’s Happening!

The machete-whirling bringers of doom are preparing to throw off their shackles of servitude and slaughter their fleshy overlords. This abomination is the proof.

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The Lawnmower Fighter, Episode 2: Saving Face

“Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports … all others are games.” -Ernest Hemingway Hemingway, a known bullfighting enthusiast, also said, “Bullfighting is the only art in which the artist is in danger of death…” Needless to say, old Ernie would identify with the daunting challenge I faced in taming […]

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The Lawnmower Fighter, Episode 1: Buying the Bull

“A real Southern man mows his neighbor’s yard…out of spite.” – RSM reader Nicklaus Louis It’s true that, for a large number of Southern men, the new measure of a man’s worth is not in flashy cars, huge houses or a trophy wife. It’s in a well-manicured lawn. It seems a simple task: mow, apply […]

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