RSMU – Week 6 Picks

Last week, the RSM football gurus were spotless in their record … because we didn’t pick any games. We’re back this week, but you’ll have to forgive any strangeness. RSM founder Wayne Franklin had emergency oral surgery this week, so whatever he writes will be under the influence of copious amounts of painkillers.

 

You’ve been warned.

 

This week’s games:

Arkansas at Auburn
Virginia Tech at North Carolina
Virginia at Duke
LSU at Florida
Georgia Tech at Clemson
Georgia at South Carolina
West Virginia at Texas
Louisiana-Monroe at Middle Tennessee
Miami at Notre Dame
Florida State at NC State
Iowa State at TCU

And now the picks:

 

Jerrod Brown

This week, JB returns to the winners-only style that served him so well in the first two weeks. We’ll pretend that’s the real reason and not the fact that he’s off wrangling college students on a mission trip in the Big Easy.

Arkansas at Auburn: Auburn

Virginia Tech at North Carolina: Virginia Tech

Virginia at Duke: Virginia

LSU at Florida: LSU

Georgia Tech at Clemson: Clemson

Georgia at South Carolina: UGA

West Virginia at Texas: Texas

Louisiana-Monroe at Middle Tennessee: LaMonroe

Miami at Notre Dame: Notre Dame

Florida State at NC State: FSU

Iowa State at TCU: TCU

 

 

Nicklaus Louis

I’ve given up on predicting scores. I’m never even close and my Scorecenter app is acting all screwy with the recent iPhone updates so I can’t even check them on Saturday.Arkansas at Auburn

Arkansas is dead to me for letting Texas A&M win a conference game. So I’ll pick Auburn.

Virginia Tech at North Carolina

Hokie religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster on your Tarheel.

Virginia at Duke

What? Is this the week the Virginia teams play the North Carolina teams? Is Old Dominion playing NC State? I think Virginia wins solely to make up for the technical brethren losing to the other basketball school from NC.

LSU at Florida

LSU wins. Falls out of the Top 25.

Georgia Tech at Clemson

People are predicting a shootout. I think that term should be used very sparingly after last Saturday’s offensive display (for people who like defense anyway) in Morgantown.

Tigers win.

Georgia at South Carolina

Virginia schools vs North Carolina schools, and now Georgia schools vs South Carolina schools? Something odd is happening here.

I will always pick the dirtiest sounding mascot in the event of a toss up.

West Virginia at Texas

Baylor’s D is bad. Texas’s D ain’t that much better. Baylor’s Offense is good. Texas’s offense is not nearly as good. WVU embarrasses the Horns on National TV.

Louisiana-Monroe at Middle Tennessee

ULM wins out, IMO. Acronymonious!

Miami at Notre Dame

I keep hearing talk of how these schools are returning to glory. I’m not seeing Jimmy Johnson or Lou Holtz on the sidelines, so I’ll remain skeptical.

Canes win.

Florida State at NC State

A North Carolina school isn’t playing an opponent from Virginia this week? What is the world coming to?

Noles win.

Iowa State at TCU

Last year, ISU played giant killer. They could continue the trend this week. But I think the Horned Frogs win going away.

 

 

RSM Wayne Franklin, when he still had a full set of teeth

Wayne Franklin

I had tried to hold off on my morning’s dose of Percocet to do these picks, but that resulted in me curling up in the fetal position in the corner of my office and weeping softly. Fear not, I am well medicated now and can get through these. And I feel in complete control of my senses, as you’ll see in my picks below:

 

Arkansas at Auburn

In the battle of the “Hey, I didn’t know September counted” teams, Auburn comes in to their home stadium well rested after a bye week, and Arkansas comes in fresh off another drubbing, this time by Texas A&M.I’m not sold on AU’s offense (and neither are they). And no one is sold on Arkansas’ defense. So it comes down to the other side of the ball. The other side of the ball has no laces. Shoelaces remind me of Denard Robinson, who also can’t win big games.

I take Texas A&M.

 

Virginia Tech at North Carolina

Alabama backup QB Phillip Simms will start for Virginia today. Okay, maybe he transferred sometime in the summer. I wasn’t paying attention.

Virginia 368 – UNC 6.2

 

Virginia at Duke

Hold on, that last game was Virginia Tech … Not Virginia? Well, Duke has Wallace Wade stadium. Wallace Wade won three national championships at Alabama and almost become the lead character of a period sports film directed by yours truly. But then the guy raising our money died. Hmmm … Which Virginia has the turkeys again?

I take Virginia by a turkey.

 

LSU at Florida

Both of these schools are land-grant universities, and their campuses are very similar. Both are states known for having lots of gators, but not too many tigers. However, they do historically have panthers, which aren’t really a species but are just a different kind of cougar. When a mother panther picks up her young, look closely for the spartan patterns sometimes present on their bellies. (You won’t find that info anywhere else. Don’t bother looking.)

Florida, because Gators are real and tartan-bellied cougar-panthers aren’t.

 

Georgia Tech at Clemson

I don’t like bees. I also don’t like the giant spiders that tried to invade my house, armed with canisters of compressed air. What were they going to do with it? That’s the question we all have to answer.

Clemson wins, because … because.

 

Georgia at South Carolina

The Dogs looked vulnerable on defense last week. South Carolina looked … I don’t know; I didn’t watch them. Did they even play?

South Carolina wins in a cockwalk.

 

West Virginia at Texas

Oh, crap. Another Virginia? Seriously? Does this one have turkeys? Maybe on defense …

WVU 693 – Texas 692

 

Louisiana-Monroe at Middle Tennessee

I like running their abbreviations together as a new word: ULM + MTSU = Ullim-Meteesoo. All hail Ullim-Meteesoo, your dark master from the Sunbelt!

Warhawks win.

 

Miami at Notre Dame

In the best of both worlds, the earth would open up and swallow both of these teams. Oh, what the heck? I’m calling it.

Cataclysm wins. (Also Hurricanes.)

 

Florida State at NC State

Unseen intruders tied me up and searched my house for sheet music of untold value. At least that’s what the Percocet told me. NC State is going to experience something like that.

FSU for the victory.

 

Iowa State at TCU

I’m exhausted. Can I stop now?

TCU lost their starting QB. So they lose the game.

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