Bacovangelism: Bacon Beats Local

Photo by Gabriel Fiorini, via Flickr. Some rights reserved.

Is anything less trendy right now than eating fast food? Documentaries, TV shows and blogs seemingly more numerous than McDonald’s “billions and billions served” bash us over the head with this rather obvious message every day.

And now a growing (and very vocal) minority has bought themselves a high horse from which to proclaim the message: “Eat local!” For those of you who haven’t been inundated with the “eat local” messages, they can be summed up this way:

  1. Processed food is bad.
  2. Food grown by large, corporate farms is bad.
  3. Food grown with pesticides, antibiotics and other potentially harmful chemicals is bad.
  4. Food grown from genetically modified seed is bad. (I think the slogan “Don’t eat freaks” is way more compelling than saying you’re “non-GMO” … but what do I know?)
  5. Food that’s grown somewhere else and trucked in to your local grocery store is bad.
  6. Organic food, grown by local farmers and ranchers is good.
  7. Food you grow yourself is even better.
  8. Being a snob about all of the above is good.
  9. Pointing out that the “eat local” crowd is capable of snobbery is bad. Uh oh …

Of course, save #8 above, this whole litany of requirements is also known as “how I ate as a kid before anyone told me it was cool.” My mother and her mother before her were lifelong subscribers to Mother Earth News. They weren’t hippies or do-gooders. They were just Southern women who wanted to grow good food for their families.

But I’ve gotten off on a tangent …

The real reason for this post is to offer Burger King kudos for finally realizing the obvious: bacon = awesome. Sure, they’ve put bacon on hamburgers before, but who hasn’t? Now, they’ve upped the fast food bacon wars considerably with their new bacon sundae.

It’s a simple recipe: a little soft serve vanilla, a little chocolate syrup and a crispy, perfectly fried strip of delicious bacon. Throw a few bacon crumbles over the top to spread the goodness around and Voila! Dessert perfection. There may have even been some caramel in there. I really don’t know. My tongue was too smitten with the bacon.

If you’ve never mixed the greasy (that’s right, greasy is a good thing!) savory pork flavors of bacon with the sweet of chocolate or ice cream, go to Burger King now. You’re welcome.

The next step, I suppose, is to make a batch of homemade vanilla bean ice cream from cream gently harvested by a smooth-skinned, warm handed lass within a 20 mile radius of my home from a cow with a kind disposition and no history of abuse or neglect. Since chocolate isn’t exactly local, we’ll have to take a pass on that one. Then we’ll top it all of with bacon from pigs that were loved and nurtured, fed nothing but organic grasses and grains and pampered right up to the point they were lovingly slaughtered. Thank you, dear pig, for your noble sacrifice.

As for the health benefits of even locally grown, organic bacon sundaes … I’ll have to get back to you on that. My left arm is a little numb and tingly.

4 Responses to “Bacovangelism: Bacon Beats Local”

  1. Sorry – but a bacon sundae is just wrong on so many levels. I am a happy eater of all things hog – but ice cream – no way, no how! K

  2. You can’t toss a free-range chicken egg without hitting a locavore here in Seattle. I was thinking the other day about how ridiculous all their self-righteousness is when you consider that barring the intervention of humans, nearly all animals eat locally. Is it such an accomplishment?

    P.S. your description of making homemade ice cream the socially responsible way is hilarious!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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    […] – Bacon. Why? We’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: bacon is awesome. It makes everything better. If they would have wrapped the original Affordable Care Act in bacon, […]

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