RSM’s Guide to Designer Dog Breeds

Great Dane and Chihuahua mixed-breed

What happened after this is up to your imagination. (Image via Wikipedia)

We’ve established that every Real Southern Man must own a dog, and that for many, the mutt is the king of all Southern dogs. But one man’s mutt is some woman’s designer dog breed.

Over the holidays, my family made an effort to correct the lack of caninity (Canineness? Caninicity?) in our home. Because of my allergies, the experiment ended in abject failure, dooming me forever to stand on the outside of Real Southern Man status. What’s new, right?

During the search for a good breed for my allergic self, we encounter all sorts of exotic mutts– er, designer breeds. There were Maltipoos and Labradoodles, Schnoodles and Snorkies. We ended up with a very sweet, very smart Weimahoula –  a mix of a Weimaraner and a Catahoula Leaopard Dog. (Never heard of a Catahoula? Well that’s another story for tomorrow.)

The following list is intended to entertain and inform you about designer dog breeds. We don’t claim that any of these actually exist, but all it takes is a pretty Spring day, a back yard and an owner who is slow to pull the trigger on the garden hose.

10. Mexican Border Pinscher – Forget Rick Perry’s colossal wall. Just post these every couple hundred yards.

9. Alaskan Malamar Pei – It’s either a wrinkly sled dog or a snack food. We don’t know which. (Warning: Don’t bite your dog to discover for yourself.)

8. Wirehaired Chin Picket – Makes a great assistant in any salon where the ladies have, let’s say, more masculine traits.

7. Hairless Spitzenshargle – Toothy the Spitzenshargle could be for dental hygiene what McGruff is for crime prevention.

6. Schnitz – Gesundheit.

5. Redbone Cocker Whippet – Ummmm … Moving on …

4. Salukihoula-ApsoPuli – A breed for the Dr. Seuss fan.

3. Soft-Coated PuliDoodle – We don’t know what it is, but if you own one, we’re totally revoking your man card. Although, you’ve probably already surrendered it.

2. Swedish Flatpack Retriever – Bred specifically for shopping at IKEA.

1. Bearded Stiffenpinscher – We don’t know what it does … except make us giggle.


  1. Real Southern Rule #19: Get A Dog | Real Southern Men - January 12, 2012

    […] breeds are the choice of working class inner city and rural Southerners … and Michael Vick. Designer breeds are popular in households where the Southern Belle of the house holds sway – crazy mash-ups like […]

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