The He-Said, She-Said of the Southern Sweets Showdown

Let’s start with an apology for the complete lack of posts over the last week. Funny thing, working from sun-up to 2 a.m. every day doesn’t leave much time for blogging. Who knew?

With that out of the way, let’s get to some sweets.

The intent here was for this post to be another from our TFGC (Token Female Guest Contributor), Deb Krauss. However, I took such offense to her summation of one of today’s contestants, that I had to give my own take. So, today you get two showdowns in one. One one level it’s #4 Apple Butter vs. #13 Banana & Mayonnaise Sandwich in the Miscellany Region. On another level, it’s Deb vs. Wayne, Her vs. Him in the Battle of the Sandwich.

Deutsch: Apfelkraut English: Apple butter Nouo...

The label is in German, because Nazis eat Apple Butter. Image via Wikipedia

First, Deb’s take on things:

(In the interest of full-disclosure, I have to tell you that the sight, smell and taste of mayo can make me vomit. It is the Devil’s condiment. But I’m trying to be fair and unbiased about this repellant condiment.)

Apple Butter, for those of you who are Yankees living under a rock unaware, is what happens to applesauce when you cook it too long. But the make-the-best-of-it attitude of our grandmothers meant that instead of calling it “overcooked applesauce”, they named it apple butter. And found out, over time, that it has a longer shelf life than applesauce, as well as being darn tasty on a buttermilk biscuit.

When I was younger, my parents would take worthless white bread and bananas and make a sandwich. My mom preferred Peanut Butter & Banana (she’s an Elvis fan), while my dad made Banana & Mayo Sandwiches. I was a picky eater and thought these were disgusting in either variety. PB&J FTW!

Bananas. Mayo. Shudder. I love my daddy, but that’s just gross. Apparently it’s a Southern Thing, so here it is on the Showdown.

That’s about as unbiased as I can get, y’all.

And now for my take:


There were no pictures of banana & mayo sandwiches. That can't be a good sign. Image by Fernando Stankuns via Flickr

Apple Butter is fine. Tastes good on a biscuit. Makes a great filling for an Apple Stack Cake. And for the longest time, I thought it was a failed attempt at making peanut butter with apples. What Apple Butter is not is the sheer heaven that is a Banana & Mayonnaise Sandwich.

Back in the day (read: 1970s), I would eat my BM on– (Wait.  Hmmm … That acronym doesn’t work quite as well as PB&J. Let’s forget that ever happened and move on.) I would eat my Nanner & Mayo on white bread. It was a regular treat for me as a kid … and still is today.

I know it sounds disgusting, but you’ve got to trust me on this: the combination of the sweet flavor of the banana with the rich, slightly sour taste of the mayo is absolutely sublime. Not to disparage The Kang, but the PB&B has nothing on this sandwich.

And it’s versatile. You can slice the banana in rings or lengthwise in planks. If you’re feeling especially mathematical, you hearken back to your studies of conic sections and slice it on the diagonal to get little ovals. (I’m still trying to figure out how to slice it into parabolas.) As a teenager, I even experimented with the banana dog, slathering a hot dog bun with mayo and throwing the whole banana in there … hold the peel.

Today, I prefer wheat bread … because I’m just trying to be a regular guy. (It’s okay: you can roll your eyes. It won’t hurt my peelings. Ho! Thank you! Thank you! You’ve been a great audience. Don’t forget to tip your cattle.)

To exercise your pure cowardice and vote for Apple Butter, or to make the bold choice, the Southern choice – nay, the manly choice – and vote for the BAM Sandwich (now that’s an acronym), click on the little poll thingy below or hit us up on the Facebooks.

2 Responses to “The He-Said, She-Said of the Southern Sweets Showdown”

  1. Why choose? I would have apple butter on my biscuit for breakfast and a banana with mayo sandwich for lunch. What a great day!


  1. The Southern Sweets Showdown Lightning Round! | Real Southern Men - January 16, 2012

    […] Butter finally best the Banana & Mayo Sandwich, thanks in no small part to Deb Krauss’ intellectual argument that the latter is “gross.” Homemade Peach Ice Cream opened up a bit more of lead in […]

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