Twanglish Lesson: Kilt

Today’s Twanglish has nothing to do with Scotland. Don’t get us wrong, many Real Southern Men can trace their heritage back to the Highlands, present company included. But the fact remains: Real Southern Men don’t wear skirts.

It’s not that we’re insecure in our manhood. It’s just that kilts aren’t very practical (or modest) when you’re lying on a creeper underneath a ’78 Camaro, sitting in a deer stand in below freezing temps or bush-hogging the back 40 on the John Deere.

No, this kilt is quite a different animal … in fact it’s the dead kind:

Kiltverb 1. past tense of kill:

Run to the Walmarts and git some cornmeal; I done kilt that possum on the front porch for supper!

I think it’s safe to say that most, if not all, Real Southern Men have kilt something at some point in their lives. It’s not that Southern men are a cruel sort. We’re just trying to live up to that frontiersman standard set by our forebears like Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone … and thousands of others who were never portrayed by Fess Parker.

And there’s one thing we’ve all kilt from time to time. It’s not a living, breathing animal, but it’s as elusive as any wild turkey or white tail: time. In this wireless, high-paced world where we can never seem to get a moment of peace, there’s no kill more precious than the one that finds you rared back in the porch swing with a tall glass of sweet tea.

4 Responses to “Twanglish Lesson: Kilt”

  1. Real Southern Maine may not wear a skirt, but I’ve seen many manly Southern men of Scottish descent proudly wear a kilt.
    Anyway, back to the Twanglish lesson of the day: taking the concept of “kilt” a step further, as in a legal defense ~ “He needed killin” ~ only in my beloved South…

  2. Should have read ” Real Southern Men”. No intention to make any comparisons between Yankees and Real Southern Men. Mea Culpa.

  3. Kilts of the Scottish variety are fine for commemorations of heritage, but there’s no sense in leaving…ahem…areas exposed in day-to-day activity.

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