Be a Real Southern Man #15

Welcome to your virtual manual for becoming a Real Southern Man.

Today’s how-to tip comes with a hint of temptation. Not the eat too much bacon or dance the two-step a little too close to another woman kind of temptation, mind you. It’s a temptation to that one of the Seven Deadly Sins which is nearest and dearest to the Southern man’s heart: pride. Nevertheless, since you’ve already infiltrated the secret cabal that is the church usherdom, we’re confident you’ve got an inside track to good theology to deal with the temptation. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

This week, we think you should…

Fix it yourself.

Oh, now you’re feeling it, aren’t you? That manly pride that equates a plumber’s hands on your sink pipes to another man’s on your wife’s … well, I’ll let you finish that analogy on your own. (It wouldn’t be proper for me to do so.)

As Real Southern Men, we all know that moment when, faced with a broken widget or a clogged whatsit, we puff up our chest, throw caution and all reason to the wind, look at our wife and proudly proclaim, “I can fix that.” We don’t have to admit to her that your only reason we’re saying it is that we’re trying to score a few bonus points in the bedroom or hoping to save money on repair costs in order to buy that new boat motor we’ve been eyeing. (She already knows.)

Plus, fixing it yourself comes with more benefits than affirmation, brownie points with the little woman and saving a few bucks. Fixing it yourself means new tools! You never knew you needed a plumbing rooter before, but you’ll never lack for one again.

Right now, both of my AC units and my refrigerator are on the blink. Unfortunately, I won’t be fixing those myself. I have, however, in the past week worked on the AC in the wife’s minivan – and added an iPod dock to her car stereo while I was in there. No, the AC still isn’t working, but the iPod dock sounds awesome!

And once you’ve fixed a few things yourself and you feel that red-eyed demon of pride bowing up and threatening the delicate balance that is your Real Southern Manhood, we recommend you humble yourself … by calling a repairman. By then, most of your repairs will have failed anyhow.

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