Twanglish Lessons: Foolself

You may not be a grammarian, but you are no doubt well versed in the use of reflexive pronouns – you know, those convenient little guys that take an ordinary pronoun and stick a “-self” on the end. And I’m sure, like most good Southern Americans, you’ll misuse them from time to time, perhaps mashing it into a compound subject because it sounds so wrong it must be correct. You may even use some of the more Twanglish variants, like “hisself” in place of the proper “himself.” We’ve got no problem with that.

We just want to make sure you know the proper use of the derogatory reflexive pronoun, a most important part of Twanglish speech:

Foolselfpronoun 1. A derogatory reflexive pronoun which can be applied in first, second or third person indicating a lack of judgment:

I cut my foolself on the barb war when I went cow tippin’.

You done got your foolself fired from the Walmarts, d’intcha?

That boy was showing his butt on that motor scooter and hurt his foolself.

There may be an overwhelming temptation to take other common nouns and “pronounify” them by adding the suffix “-self.” It won’t work, so don’t bother. Southerners, with all of our creativity of language surely would’ve discovered another reflexive pronoun, were it out there to be found. No, it remains a mythical creature – like Bigfoot, Eskimos and the G-Spot -forever eluding capture and living only in the realm of fancy.

Set your grey matter on other quests before you hurt your foolself.

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